Fatherhood

Growing up, I had a pretty good father. He was by no means perfect, but he worked hard, provided for our family, occasionally did something with us kids, didn’t yell, wasn’t violent or drunk, or anything awful like that. However, whether it was an accurate assessment or not, I always felt my dad was distant, didn’t really know me, or what was best for me, and didn’t care enough to get close to me. He was my father, a good father, but not really a daddy to me.

While he was a pretty good father to me, when I grew up, I realized that I saw God as this distant sort of God, who didn’t really want to get close to me, who loved me, but didn’t really know me or what was best for me. I struggled with having any relationship with God, with coming to Him with my menial requests, or believing that He played a role in my day-to-day life. I realized I understood God through the lense of my own relationship with my father. When I tried to have a relationship with God, I was limited by what I believed about Him, and that was limited by what I experienced with my own Father.

Hearing this, the initial tendency may be to blame your father for your imperfect vision of God, and yet I challenge you to move beyond that. It’s certainly not fair to hold our fathers to the standard of the Almighty, yet it’s also not fair to hold the Almighty to the low standard of our own fallible dads.

Galatians 4:7 tells us we will cry out to God, Abba Father. Abba means Daddy. But as humans we’ve all experienced sinful fathers. None of them are perfect. And so our image of God as Abba Father is also imperfect. So, how do we learn to see God as this perfect Father, and remove the lense we see God through?

First, I think we must be aware that our relationship and our experience and perceptions have impacted how we see God. Once we can understand this, we can begin to believe there might be more to God than we’ve thought. It will help you turn to Scripture to see who God is as a Father and learn to trust Him more.

Matthew 7:11 speaking to fathers says, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” God is much much much better than even the best fathers.

Second, remind yourself that your father is human, that he is or was a sinner, that he could never have lived up to a perfect father image and that his own imperfections as a dad were probably the result of his own experience with his father. Our dads aren’t perfect. None of them. They didn’t stand a chance at being as good as God. That is what helps us to turn to God. And when we can remember that they’re just human and they failed as humans, it frees us up to forgive.

The third step is to forgive. Now that you can acknowledge that they’re human, that they’re sinners, consider what God has said about forgiving those who’ve wronged us. Matthew 6:14 says, “… if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” That is a tough word, right there, because that implies the opposite as well. If you don’t forgive others who have sinned against you, God will not forgive you either, and without God’s forgiveness, we have no relationship with God.

I don’t mean to make light of this, because I know many people have suffered serious abuse at the hands of their fathers, and some who may still suffer at their father’s hands. Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but God does demand it. I urge you, if you struggle to forgive your father, to seek God on this matter. Ask Him how you can do this. Give your hurt and anger to God. God will take you in His arms and heal your wounds.

Now, if you are a Father or you expect you will be someday, I urge you to live a life worthy of this calling. Yes, fatherhood is a calling, and not only will your sons learn to be like you, and your daughters will desire to marry a man like you, but you are also impacting their image of God, what they believe about God, and their future relationship with God. Certainly its no easy task, and certainly you will not be perfect, but seek God on this calling so you can learn to be abba father to your children and lead them to a relationship with the Almighty.